Returned From St. Louis--Zero Confirmed Nelly Sightings

However! Not all was lost. We all had a great time at The City Museum and going to see Avenue Q at the Fabulous Fox Theatre...we also went to the mall.

Pictures to follow soon...maybe

One of the most startling things about the trip was the difference in road quality between the states of Missouri and Oklahoma. It's literally (to steal a phrase) like a line is drawn and once you cross that line the roads either turn great or unbearably shitty depending on direction headed.

Damn Girl! I-44's Butt Lookin' BIG

The first home to be moved for the I-44 widening project was moved today. The project will widen I-44 from four to six lanes from Riverside to Yale Ave. Don't expect anything even remotely resembling immediate congestion relief though--it will take 8 months or so (probably longer) to relocate the homes and then 6-18 months to relocate utilities. Major construction of the roadway itself is not expected to begin until 2010...which means 2012 at the earliest.

Sexuality Survey

Much thanks for my friend Maka for posting this on MySpace:

~REPOSTED FOR THE RESEARCHER

I've worked with the late Fritz Klein on several bisexual topics, and now I'm conducting a 100% anonymous research study online, which takes 15 to 30 minutes to complete. It's officially approved by the human subjects committee at San Diego State University. It's about sexual attractions and personality, and I want to recruit a large number of adults, regardless of whether they are female or male, bi, gay, or straight.

I still need about a hundred more responses from self-identifed bi women and men. 50 or so more from the other groups (straight and gay) would also be wonderful, so tell all your friends of those persuasions, too!

Go to:

www.AttractionStudy.org

and check out the consent form and all that good stuff. Use the referral code livejournal when asked. And tell your friends!

Thanks so much!

-- JDW~

I encourage all who can participate to sign up, you really have nothing to lose.

The Reluctant Tulsan.

Caitlin's Corner--An Owner's Manual for Your Sexuality

And Now...The One, The Only-- Vincent Carbone

Hey there kiddos! ...It's Vincent Carbone here to answer your questions about love and Valentine's Day.

After a recent turd of a performance, a youngster came up to me and said "Hey Vince, I really feel like nobody likes me and I'm afraid I'm going to spend yet another Valentine's Day alone. What should I do?"

I reassured the young man that just because I was hurling insults at him all night doesn't mean no one likes him. It just meant I didn't like him, but I don't like anyone. There are a lot of feelings of inadequacy and shame that come free of charge whenever you attend a Vincent Carbone show. That's natural.

As to his Valentine's Day quandary I explained "Think of Valentine's Day as if it were any other day". However, he persisted. I then told him that if he insisted on thinking of Valentine's Day as a holiday it's better to put it on the level of Flag Day or Arbor Day. Hell, who hasn't spent one of those days alone.

But more to the point, I spend 365 days a year on the road, traveling from gig to gig, city to city, state to state. So I'm always alone. Every Goddamned day. Now sure there are easily tens of fans in every city who want to spend some time with old Vinnie, but I can't take them with me. If I did the authorities would sniff out my trail in no time. There are laws against kidnapping in all 53 United States. Mexico and Canada are a little more lenient, thank God. The good news is that in every city there is a liquor store and a Denny's or Waffle House. Some of the larger cities even have a casino or a kick-ass sex shop.

Still though, you may not have anyone to love you and spend time with you on Valentine's Day. So you've gotta love yourself. Why not treat yourself? Nothing cheers me up better than splurging for something nice I've wanted for a long time. This advice works for anyone. Say you normally go out to the corner and pay a whore $50 for a tugjob or a blowie. Instead splurge and pay the hooker a bill or more and get into some raunchy ass-sex. That should cure the lonelies. And you'll feel so warm and loved afterwards that you certainly won't have any feelings of guilt or shame. Trust me. No remorse.

So there you have it. You just chased away the blues with a little help from old Vincent Carbone. If you're still looking for more sage advice I suggest you come see me at the SoundPony with the Newark All-Stars on Valentine's Day.

Redneck Concert Madness

Thursday, February 7 Foghat will take the stage at the Million Dollar Elm Casino. Tickets start at $15. I mean, a 30 year old rock band for $15 bucks? That's such a great deal. I can hardly stand it.

But seriously who would pay even $15 for Foghat? Their most famous song has only one redeeming quality whatsoever: the bass line. Not to mention the incredible amount of Jimbos, Billy Bobs and Jimmy Jons sure to be in attendance. Come on, it's Foghat. At an Indian casino. The only time you'll find more rednecks in one place is if the casino was showing professional wrestling inside of monster trucks and handing out free cans of Copenhagen.

MP3: Slow Ride

Urban Renewal?

According to various news outlets the city of Tulsa and the Tulsa Drillers (minor league affiliate of the NL Champion Colorado Rockies) have reached an agreement to negotiate a deal to keep the Drillers from moving to Jenks (AKA Yuppieville). The two parties have until May 30 to reach an agreement that involves building a baseball stadium in the east-side of Downtown (1st-6th and Elgin). You know, the part of Downtown where all the restaurants and bars are...the part where they should of built the BOK Center...the part where they had originally, foolishly planned on building a Wal-Mart...that part.

This sounds like a good deal for the city, and as far as Jenks is concerned...fuck Jenks. One of the big arguments I've heard being tossed around is the fact that people from Broken Arrow, Bixby and Jenks don't want to have to drive to Midtown on Downtown to watch a baseball game, which is hurting the ticket sales. Refer to previous sentence for that resolution to that argument. Specifically the part right after the ellipses. There ya go.

Hopefully the city government has started to finally commit to making Downtown exciting and comparable to Oklahoma City's downtown which is far superior to ours. I pray they have to level that death-trap Club UV or whatever the fuck it's changed its name to now. Only 4 people shot in the last year? That's not too bad, at all.

A developer is planning on spending $30 million on land in the historic Greenwood district to put in some kind of development (the details are understandably hazy). For those of you that don't know, the entire district of Greenwood was burnt to the ground in the 1921 race riots, evidently the worst in U.S. history. It's only taken 87 years to begin some kind of development there, which is the most apt illustration of the way Tulsa does business. Way to go, team!

It's About Time!

Everyone in Oklahoma (specifically in Tulsa where this was filmed) is driven (no pun intended) crazy by idiot drivers doing idiotic things like driving under the speed limit in the fast lane. Thank you to the OHP.

Pull the Fuck Over!