Not-Really-Tulsa's American Idol Winner

David Cook won this year's season of everyone's favorite grand-stand karaoke contest and immediately earned his spot in the hearts of teenage girls, 40-year old gay men, and middle-age mothers desperately clinging to their ill-conceived notions of cool. Congratulations, I suppose. Thanks for playing. I'll try not to mention the fact he completely emo-ed, Nickelback-ed, and 30 Seconds to Mars-ed one the greatest songs ever:



I know, right? A complete abortion.

This entire season of American Idol the Tulsa media has been on their respective knees consistently, passionately, and lovingly performing a great deal of fellatio on everyone's new favorite Tulsa-transplant--David Cook.

The Urban Tulsa Weekly featured him, Carrie Underwood and some 4th-rate reality stars on the cover of the May 14th issue. Even the Urban Tulsa Weekly, a publication generally regarded as Tulsa's "independent weekly" has fallen in love with the goofy-smiled (yet seemingly humble) crooner (and Beatles destroyer).

David Cook isn't even from Tulsa! Jesus. Did he live here after graduating college? Yes, does that make him from here? Hardly. He was born in Houston and raised in Blue Springs, Missouri. According to Wikipedia, he moved to Tulsa after college graduation to pursue a career in music. Which is a completely fucking insane decision. He must have thought Bob Wills still kicked ass here weekly. Poor guy.

So he played in some bands, tended some bar and other neat shit, made some friends, etc. And now everyone in Tulsa can't get enough of him, like they're going to run into his parents at Target.

It just speaks to the importance Tulsa wished it had. After the devastating cyclone in Myanmar, and the earthquake in China, a few news article popped up with headlines similar to this made up one:
Tulsa's Chinese Connection
Here are some examples: here and here.

Those are just two examples how the Tulsa and Oklahoma media tries to interject the state into every single national or world event that occurs. One of those articles is somewhat interesting, but neither of them are particularly relevant.

We are the kids in the sandbox urinating a love note for our teacher screaming for her to pay attention to us. We just aren't that important, and no matter how much we pretend, we can't change people's origin. No matter how many people tell you they had a beer or bummed a smoke from David Cook, he just didn't grow up here--but we'll gladly accept and welcome him (even retrospectively) because that's what kind of people Oklahomans are (as long as you aren't gay or a minority). So welcome, David Cook, as a Tulsa resident--just please give the Beatles a rest.

Tulsa Loves Tom Waits

Tom Waits is coming through town, Wednesday, June 25th for a special evening at the Brady Theater (special only because he actually chose to stop in Tulsa). Expect to cough up a nice chunk of change for the tickets--the two ticket limit should run around $192.00 after fees and tax. There are also some very paranoid rules about the tickets: a photo ID must be presented matching the name of the credit card used to purchase the tickets, the tickets cannot be picked up before 6:30 PM the night of the show, at which time the purchaser and their guest will be escorted into the venue and not granted reentry if they choose to leave the event, and the tickets can only be purchased online or over the telephone.

I'm sure the rules are Tom Waits' and are in place to discourage (and effectively eliminate) scalping, but it did make scheduling a time to call in our order a little difficult, however, we got around it and are no longer bitching like children. It should be great, and hopefully we'll see you there.

Return From Dallas

We just made a recent trip to Dallas to witness one of the single greatest live musical performances in recent memory: Radiohead at the Superpages.com Center (formerly the Smirnoff Ampitheatre...I guess). The show was awesome, the food and drink: overpriced; the $40 tshirt: probably worth it (time will tell).

Dallas, however, sucks. The drivers are astoundingly idiotic, the roadways are congested and the people are just generally rude. We saw some friends we've been separated from for a while and we also urinated in a flowerbed outside of the Cotton Bowl(yes, it was necessary...I mean, we were only waiting in line to leave the concert for an hour).

Enjoy!

Exceptionally Long Delay

Much has happened in the past month (moving, car wreck, etc) that has seriously limited my ability to update The Reluctant Tulsan, but we should be set to be back on schedule and regular updates soon. In the meantime, enjoy these images of celebrities if they were from Oklahoma...after the jump!

If Celebs Moved to OK

Oklahoma's Progressive New Abortion Law

On April 16th, 2008, Oklahoma Governor Brad Henry vetoed a bill requiring all women seeking abortions to receive and view ultrasounds of the fetus within one hour before proceeding with the pregnancy termination. This law had no exemptions for victims of rape and incest. It also calls for a medical physician to describe the images being seen, including the development of the embryo. The governor had this to say,

"While I support reasonable restrictions on abortion, this legislation does not provide an essential exemption for victims of rape and incest...

"By forcing the victims of such horrific acts to undergo and view ultrasounds after they have made such a difficult and heartbreaking decision, the state victimizes the victim for a second time. It would be unconscionable to subject victims of rape and incest to such treatment.

"Because of this critical flaw, I cannot in good conscience sign this legislation."

This is terrific, except for the fact that today, April 17th, the Oklahoma legislature overrode his veto of the bill.

This is purely and completely ridiculous. It's morally perverse, irresponsible and out right disgusting. Here is what I propose: I have compiled lists of every email address for every state senator and state representative. Lets blow up their inboxes.

email me at:
reluctanttulsan@gmail.com for the lists and lets tell them they did not listen to us and did not introduce legislation to benefit the whole of the state.

Let's tell all of them how we feel about inhumane treatment of abuse victims and the waste of our tax dollars. I mean, really, is there a woman out there who is ever overjoyed with getting an abortion? Why are we putting each other through more pain, and making tough decisions even tougher? I thought Oklahomans were supposed to be better than that.

These are the same people who want these unprepared mothers to raise children, but then they don't want to cough up any dough when its time for food and diapers. These people, Democrats and Republicans alike, are a disgrace to humanity. They should all be deeply ashamed of themselves...but of course, they aren't.

Well, That's Not Something You See Everyday

Last night as I was leaving my apartment and getting into my car I noticed something walking down the sidewalk towards me. I thought, "What the hell is that?" As it approached, I realized what it was--"Oh my god, it's a goddamn fox."

True story, here comes a fox trotting right past me, just strutting down the sidewalk with a dead rabbit in its mouth. "Hey Swift." He just winked and nodded and kept trotting, never straying from the sidewalk. I got in my car and followed it. Swift walked two more blocks to 17th and Peoria, looked both ways and crossed the street. I couldn't believe it. The fox was just walking like this was an everyday occurrence--a fox hunting and returning home through the middle of Midtown Tulsa, strolling down the sidewalk, not the street, but the sidewalk, obeying all traffic laws like a homo sapien pedestrian.

Unfortunately, I cannot report on any David the Gnome sightings in the area.

The Reluctant Tulsan--Biting the Apple

Friday, April 11th, the Individual Artists of Oklahoma is hosting their annual Biting the Apple erotic art show at their gallery in downtown Oklahoma City.

My friend Anndrea from the OKC metro was invited to display her creative works at the event and she has been so kind to share some of them, and her motivations, with us.

"During school at UCO I studied small metal design and fibers...I would usually find myself creating an abstract painting to unwind, or just 'for fun'. [These two] samples are my first two watercolors ever made..I recently took a workshop over watercolor this fall at Quartz Mountain with Michael Crespo and immediately fell in love with the medium.

"My art reflects what I believe in, people that have touched my life, where I have come from, and the many things that I have brought with me on my journey so far. My first watercolor is a large sea turtle titled 'Going Home.' I have a strong connection with turtles...they have been my spirit guide for many years. I consider myself a nomad and I admire sea turtles for always finding their home.

"The second watercolor I created, titled 'Sunny,' was made for my father who was trying to find land in Wisconsin at the time. I grew up there and loved to ice fish with him for these beautiful fish. 'Sunny' holds a connection to a place and time I once called home. The fish is accompanied by a full, yellow moon--there was a full moon the night I painted it and its energy will forever be in place in the large, midnight blue waters."

If you're disappointed at the lack of erotic art, you should head to OKC Friday, April 11th and have a look. Or, you could visit the events web page, as linked above for samples from the show tomorrow night, but only if travel is not an option.

Thanks again to Anndrea for sharing some of her thoughts with us, and we look forward to hearing more from, and about, her in the future.

TheReluctantTulsan