In Case You Missed It...

...Tom Waits completely rocked the Brady Theater in downtown Tulsa last week. Here are some highlights.

Widening Eyes to the Refusal to Widen Roads

Mayor Kathy Taylor has a plan. A $2 billion plan to widen city streets in Tulsa. Five of them. In south Tulsa.

Never mind how narrow the streets are in midtown, specifically Peoria between 21st and 31st, Lewis Ave. from 15th south to about 51st, and sections of Utica, Harvard, and Yale in midtown. So the city has decided to widen roads where the roads are already more manageable than midtown. We midtown-ers appreciate that, very much...assholes.

The best part and highlight of the whole road-widening drama is Councilor Bill Christiansen's (who is a big cock, by the way) comments as quoted to Fox 23 news,

"The citizens in south Tulsa pay a lot in taxes, they live in big homes and I think at the end of the day, if you look at the quality of life issue we need to widen the streets in south Tulsa."

If this isn't his "let-them-eat-cake moment", I'm not sure what else will be. The lack of outcry from the residents in the neighborhood south of Utica Square is bizarre and lost on me. It's almost as if dividing lines have been drawn between south, mid and north, and the councilor isn't even trying to disguise whose side he's on.

Girl Talk...Tonight!

Tulsa, OK. Cain's Ballroom

Tickets at the door.

Tulsa Drillers New Home

I have to give city leaders their due on a great choice for the new location of the Tulsa Drillers ball park. It was originally reported the ball park would be in the east village of downtown (1st-6th and Elgin), but now it is being reported the new ball park will be north of there, around the intersection of Archer St and Greenwood.

This is a great choice. It allows more venues and restaurants to open up in the east village, yet still maintains its vicinity to those same establishments (i.e. El Guapo's Cantina and McNellie's). This should work out great for the city, particularly downtown Tulsa. And if the folks in Jenks and Bixby have a problem with it, oh well. They can stay home.

Big Splash in Hot Water?

Various Tulsa news outlets are reporting that the Big Splash water park (21st & Yale) is some nine months past due on their annual rent payment of approximately $130,000. Which, really isn't surprising. I mean, who still goes there?

A few weeks ago Big Splash was gotten on to by the Labor Department citing rotten support beams for their two tallest slides, and were ordered to shut them down until replacing the slimy slats. So again I ask, who still goes there?

Maybe it will only be a matter of time before Big Splash goes the way of Bell's Amusement park (although for very different reasons), which should be a triumph for the city of Tulsa in my own very personal opinion, but I don't get to make the decisions.

So we’re roughly five or so weeks from Tulsa’s annual DFest celebration in downtown Tulsa.

Initially, when the “national headliners” were announced, I was disappointed. I mean, I try not to be a music snob, but how can one go from The Flaming Lips to All-American Rejects?

Maybe it was the word traveling the streets and bars of Tulsa that My Morning Jacket and/or Arcade Fire could be gracing the main stage on July 25 and 26. Maybe it was the fact every other music festival, including American Eagle’s (yes, that American Eagle) pulled together unbelievable lineups this year.

Maybe it’s because I didn’t see the big picture.

As far as Oklahoma is concerned there are only a handful of acts that could probably out sale the Rejects when it comes to the possibly targeted MTV generation for ticket sales. Since David Cook, Carrie Underwood and the Jonas Brothers are out of the picture, the leaders behind DFest could have pursued Hanson. And who knows, maybe they did or they are planning on them next year.

Odds are I’ll catch one Rejects song. I can appreciate them for being an Oklahoma band that is making millions of dollars living the life we all wish we could at some point.

I can say the same for Paramore. They are also a Grammy-nominated band that will draw the same type of crowd and sale tickets to the teenagers who will miss out on great music inside many of the area bars.

As for the rest of the “national headliners”, you’ll find me watching every second of the Roots, Phantom Planet, Ghostland Observatory and possibly even Ty England and the Disco Biscuits if scheduling permits it.

My suggestion would be to not get caught up in all the national acts and make sure you check out the numerous “emerging artists”, which is what DFest is built upon.

Colourmusic, El Paso Hot Button, Vandevander, Mayola, Sheree Chamberlain, Matt Stansberry Band are among the acts I hope I’m not forced to miss.

So as upset as I was initially with the lineup for DFest, I can now say with the weekend fest right around the corner, I’m actually excited to be returning.

I’m sure there are some who are still upset with the lineup, but that’s the nature of the beast. If it’s good for Tulsa and creates a good time for me, then I’m down. And as long as the bars are serving up the cold beverages and there are numerous great acts to catch, I’m sure I’ll have a good time without evening realizing the Rejects are on stage.

For more info on Dfest, including a complete lineup, visit DFest.com.

Oh, and remember how I mentioned American Eagle was having a music fest? Well headliner Bob Dylan (yes, that Bob Dylan) will be gracing the stage of the Brady Theater on Aug. 27.

Now, that’s a headliner I’m not going to miss when he visits T-Town.

~The Great, Irreplaceable Lando!

How Do Tulsa Criminals Get Guns?

They take them from police cars (well, this one particular criminal at least).

In related criminal news, the Broken Arrow Representative that championed legislation allowing health insurers to not cover autisim treatments in Oklahoma has announced his plans to remove himself from the Oklahoma Congress. Why his insistence on helping health insurance companies? Maybe its the fact they have given him over $20,000 in campaign and personal finances. Read more here, and he probably is the crook he says he isn't.

'Til next time...

Not-Really-Tulsa's American Idol Winner

David Cook won this year's season of everyone's favorite grand-stand karaoke contest and immediately earned his spot in the hearts of teenage girls, 40-year old gay men, and middle-age mothers desperately clinging to their ill-conceived notions of cool. Congratulations, I suppose. Thanks for playing. I'll try not to mention the fact he completely emo-ed, Nickelback-ed, and 30 Seconds to Mars-ed one the greatest songs ever:



I know, right? A complete abortion.

This entire season of American Idol the Tulsa media has been on their respective knees consistently, passionately, and lovingly performing a great deal of fellatio on everyone's new favorite Tulsa-transplant--David Cook.

The Urban Tulsa Weekly featured him, Carrie Underwood and some 4th-rate reality stars on the cover of the May 14th issue. Even the Urban Tulsa Weekly, a publication generally regarded as Tulsa's "independent weekly" has fallen in love with the goofy-smiled (yet seemingly humble) crooner (and Beatles destroyer).

David Cook isn't even from Tulsa! Jesus. Did he live here after graduating college? Yes, does that make him from here? Hardly. He was born in Houston and raised in Blue Springs, Missouri. According to Wikipedia, he moved to Tulsa after college graduation to pursue a career in music. Which is a completely fucking insane decision. He must have thought Bob Wills still kicked ass here weekly. Poor guy.

So he played in some bands, tended some bar and other neat shit, made some friends, etc. And now everyone in Tulsa can't get enough of him, like they're going to run into his parents at Target.

It just speaks to the importance Tulsa wished it had. After the devastating cyclone in Myanmar, and the earthquake in China, a few news article popped up with headlines similar to this made up one:
Tulsa's Chinese Connection
Here are some examples: here and here.

Those are just two examples how the Tulsa and Oklahoma media tries to interject the state into every single national or world event that occurs. One of those articles is somewhat interesting, but neither of them are particularly relevant.

We are the kids in the sandbox urinating a love note for our teacher screaming for her to pay attention to us. We just aren't that important, and no matter how much we pretend, we can't change people's origin. No matter how many people tell you they had a beer or bummed a smoke from David Cook, he just didn't grow up here--but we'll gladly accept and welcome him (even retrospectively) because that's what kind of people Oklahomans are (as long as you aren't gay or a minority). So welcome, David Cook, as a Tulsa resident--just please give the Beatles a rest.

Tulsa Loves Tom Waits

Tom Waits is coming through town, Wednesday, June 25th for a special evening at the Brady Theater (special only because he actually chose to stop in Tulsa). Expect to cough up a nice chunk of change for the tickets--the two ticket limit should run around $192.00 after fees and tax. There are also some very paranoid rules about the tickets: a photo ID must be presented matching the name of the credit card used to purchase the tickets, the tickets cannot be picked up before 6:30 PM the night of the show, at which time the purchaser and their guest will be escorted into the venue and not granted reentry if they choose to leave the event, and the tickets can only be purchased online or over the telephone.

I'm sure the rules are Tom Waits' and are in place to discourage (and effectively eliminate) scalping, but it did make scheduling a time to call in our order a little difficult, however, we got around it and are no longer bitching like children. It should be great, and hopefully we'll see you there.

Return From Dallas

We just made a recent trip to Dallas to witness one of the single greatest live musical performances in recent memory: Radiohead at the Superpages.com Center (formerly the Smirnoff Ampitheatre...I guess). The show was awesome, the food and drink: overpriced; the $40 tshirt: probably worth it (time will tell).

Dallas, however, sucks. The drivers are astoundingly idiotic, the roadways are congested and the people are just generally rude. We saw some friends we've been separated from for a while and we also urinated in a flowerbed outside of the Cotton Bowl(yes, it was necessary...I mean, we were only waiting in line to leave the concert for an hour).

Enjoy!

Exceptionally Long Delay

Much has happened in the past month (moving, car wreck, etc) that has seriously limited my ability to update The Reluctant Tulsan, but we should be set to be back on schedule and regular updates soon. In the meantime, enjoy these images of celebrities if they were from Oklahoma...after the jump!

If Celebs Moved to OK

Oklahoma's Progressive New Abortion Law

On April 16th, 2008, Oklahoma Governor Brad Henry vetoed a bill requiring all women seeking abortions to receive and view ultrasounds of the fetus within one hour before proceeding with the pregnancy termination. This law had no exemptions for victims of rape and incest. It also calls for a medical physician to describe the images being seen, including the development of the embryo. The governor had this to say,

"While I support reasonable restrictions on abortion, this legislation does not provide an essential exemption for victims of rape and incest...

"By forcing the victims of such horrific acts to undergo and view ultrasounds after they have made such a difficult and heartbreaking decision, the state victimizes the victim for a second time. It would be unconscionable to subject victims of rape and incest to such treatment.

"Because of this critical flaw, I cannot in good conscience sign this legislation."

This is terrific, except for the fact that today, April 17th, the Oklahoma legislature overrode his veto of the bill.

This is purely and completely ridiculous. It's morally perverse, irresponsible and out right disgusting. Here is what I propose: I have compiled lists of every email address for every state senator and state representative. Lets blow up their inboxes.

email me at:
reluctanttulsan@gmail.com for the lists and lets tell them they did not listen to us and did not introduce legislation to benefit the whole of the state.

Let's tell all of them how we feel about inhumane treatment of abuse victims and the waste of our tax dollars. I mean, really, is there a woman out there who is ever overjoyed with getting an abortion? Why are we putting each other through more pain, and making tough decisions even tougher? I thought Oklahomans were supposed to be better than that.

These are the same people who want these unprepared mothers to raise children, but then they don't want to cough up any dough when its time for food and diapers. These people, Democrats and Republicans alike, are a disgrace to humanity. They should all be deeply ashamed of themselves...but of course, they aren't.

Well, That's Not Something You See Everyday

Last night as I was leaving my apartment and getting into my car I noticed something walking down the sidewalk towards me. I thought, "What the hell is that?" As it approached, I realized what it was--"Oh my god, it's a goddamn fox."

True story, here comes a fox trotting right past me, just strutting down the sidewalk with a dead rabbit in its mouth. "Hey Swift." He just winked and nodded and kept trotting, never straying from the sidewalk. I got in my car and followed it. Swift walked two more blocks to 17th and Peoria, looked both ways and crossed the street. I couldn't believe it. The fox was just walking like this was an everyday occurrence--a fox hunting and returning home through the middle of Midtown Tulsa, strolling down the sidewalk, not the street, but the sidewalk, obeying all traffic laws like a homo sapien pedestrian.

Unfortunately, I cannot report on any David the Gnome sightings in the area.

The Reluctant Tulsan--Biting the Apple

Friday, April 11th, the Individual Artists of Oklahoma is hosting their annual Biting the Apple erotic art show at their gallery in downtown Oklahoma City.

My friend Anndrea from the OKC metro was invited to display her creative works at the event and she has been so kind to share some of them, and her motivations, with us.

"During school at UCO I studied small metal design and fibers...I would usually find myself creating an abstract painting to unwind, or just 'for fun'. [These two] samples are my first two watercolors ever made..I recently took a workshop over watercolor this fall at Quartz Mountain with Michael Crespo and immediately fell in love with the medium.

"My art reflects what I believe in, people that have touched my life, where I have come from, and the many things that I have brought with me on my journey so far. My first watercolor is a large sea turtle titled 'Going Home.' I have a strong connection with turtles...they have been my spirit guide for many years. I consider myself a nomad and I admire sea turtles for always finding their home.

"The second watercolor I created, titled 'Sunny,' was made for my father who was trying to find land in Wisconsin at the time. I grew up there and loved to ice fish with him for these beautiful fish. 'Sunny' holds a connection to a place and time I once called home. The fish is accompanied by a full, yellow moon--there was a full moon the night I painted it and its energy will forever be in place in the large, midnight blue waters."

If you're disappointed at the lack of erotic art, you should head to OKC Friday, April 11th and have a look. Or, you could visit the events web page, as linked above for samples from the show tomorrow night, but only if travel is not an option.

Thanks again to Anndrea for sharing some of her thoughts with us, and we look forward to hearing more from, and about, her in the future.

TheReluctantTulsan

Politiks

This is a blog about Tulsa and the surrounding area, generally. We will, and often do, touch on subjects that aren't region/area specific, but still have some impact on us. One such issue is politics and national current events that could have some bearing on our lives as a collective.

Sally Kern's recent remarks (which will not be repeated here) do not represent the feelings of all Oklahomans. I would venture so far as to say those views of hers aren't even shared by a majority of the populace, but of a select minority. I agree that yes, she should be very ashamed of herself, but she isn't. And sadly, that's what passes as a Christian in this state. Be aware fellow citizens of Tulsa and the state, that our "demographic," will act in response to unjust, unreasonable classifications of those that lead their lives differently than the majority. However, in a free country, you're allowed to have complete idiots...and if you live in Oklahoma, you elect them to state congress.

The Reluctant Tulsan's political views are rather quite inconsequential. This is not a space to rant about Republicans and Democrats. Although we fully support and condone healthy conversation and debate, this isn't our soapbox on that issue in particular. We do care strongly about social, economic, and political issues (especially when they will or should have impact on us as Oklahomans), which we will touch on (see below)--but we encourage everyone to find their own passions.

Engage the system and participate in being a citizen, don't waste it.


ProCon.org
FactCheck.org
Get My Vote!

Change Something

Here lately, I’ve found myself thinking about "change". And I don’t mean the word being tossed around by presidential hopefuls, but something bigger.

Every day we’re greeted by "change". Some for the better and some for the worse.

As a society, "change" has become something we have not only grown accustomed to, but it’s something we’ve really taken for granted.

Clothing, buildings, climate, enemies, friends, the way we watch movies and listen to music, our language, our beliefs, society, rules, tastes, climate, etc... All these things are changing while we sleep and as we live our days, and so much is changing we don’t even notice it.

When JFK took office, we had half the people on this planet as we do today, and that was less than 50 years ago. If that’s not crazy enough, briefly think about the technological age we’re in. Had you told me 10 years ago, I could get a phone with a camera, an mp3 player, the Internet, a touch screen and everything else an iPhone offers, I probably would have thought it was science fiction.

Tonight, I listened to a journalist/writer discuss how advertising as we have come to know it is dying a bloody death as fast as the newspaper in print. This is changing the way we live our lives.

Following his lecture, I came home and watched The 11th Hour, which is basically An Inconvenient Truth Lite. It not only has opinions from more than 50 experts on what is happening to our planet, but it also offers suggestions how we can reduce some of the problems we’re creating.

I don’t want to turn this into a tree-hugging lecture, but it is mind blowing to me that there are politicans who speak out against global warming. Some of these same politicans are currently discussing whether we should send our athletes to China where the smog is so thick marathon runners are already saying they won’t compete.

(By the way, there is video evidence of entire ice shelves breaking away and melting. This didn’t used to happen, Jim.)

What I like most about The 11th Hour is it makes a point to prove that nature will outlast us. We may be dumping millions of toxins into our water daily and creating desert like atmospheres in South America, but nature will ultimately win.

What I want to do is issue all of us a challenge. We all need to slow down. I recently realized this and quit wearing a watch.

We only have this life one life to live on this planet in this body. Enjoy it!

While that may be a challenge, the other I want to offer is that we all change one thing in our life.

It can be something small or something major. Just change something.

Be more friendly to strangers. Slow down when driving. Recycle. Smile more. Save more money. Question your beliefs. Eat better. Drink less. Go for a walk. Tell someone you love something nice. Start practicing what you preach. Say "no" to something.

Change something.

If we all change one thing in our lives, we will change the world we live in.

Sincerely,
Lando

Weather Madness

Why the fuck can't I ever watch a sporting event without some douche bag weatherman fucking my shit up? Every time some significant sporting event happens that I want to watch, be it the NCAA basketball championship, the NBA finals, a BCS bowl game, the World Series or the Super bowl; a thunderstorm will roll into town and I have people like Travis Meyer interrupting every couple of minutes just to tell me, "Yes, it's still raining...yes there is a storm...no, there probably won't be a tornado..."

Then what the hell are doing popping into my television? It's a goddamn thunderstorm! It storms here...ALL THE TIME! If we aren't in immediate danger, then go the hell away. Oh, and another thing--quit shrinking the picture to run your stupid weather crawl. There is no reason for a "severe weather alert" for a stupid, measly thunderstorm. Floods? Ice? Blizzard? Hurricane? Zombies? Alien invasion? Please, interrupt me. If not, shove your 4-D radar up your ass.

TheReluctantTulsan.

Lando's Premiere

We at the Reluctant Tulsan would like to welcome a new contributor to the site:

Hey there.

About a month ago, I was approached by the Reluctant Tulsan to join him in the enlightenment of all things Tulsa and beyond. It took less than two drinks from my Jack and Coke to agree to join forces in the process of sharing the good word.

As a bit of background, I’ve known Mr. Tulsan for some time. We go back to a different city in a different time when the only thing that mattered was what you were drinking at the moment and where you were going after last call.

I have a background in writing, specifically journalism, so naturally the invitation was probably easy for him to ask me to join in web logging – also known as the current method of leaving our mark in the history that is the Internet.

OK, enough of the rhetoric.

I love to write, but for the past month I’ve been torn on what to write. It’s actually been a bit gut wrenching. I’ve been known to blog on my Myspace page, and I have a small following, but this is a different deal. I actually feel the pressure not to disappoint.

So I want to know what it is you want to read about. I could blab on about sports or what movies I think you should invest your time in. I can go on and on about the state of our politics. I could spend my time critiquing the music I believe you should be listening to and the stuff you should be avoiding.

Basically, I’m giving you the chance to dictate what it is I write about. I’m up for any format. I’m open to you to sending random questions with me giving my unique responses. I’d also be willing to take a topic and expand on it from my point of view.

The Reluctant Tulsan is writing great things, but I’m ready to branch out and take this into a different direction.

So feel free to click the comment button below and leave your suggestions. I’ll give it some time, but if this fails to work, be prepared for my random ramblings on the current state of anything I feel like writing about.

Either way, it’s going to be a good time, and I look forward to it.

Sincerely,

Lando

Returned From Hiatus...Why You Don't Give Rides to Strangers...

I've been on a 14 day hiatus or so and have finally returned with updates.

Last week, as I was leaving my apartment I see a rather large, bald-headed man running down the street. "No big deal," I thought. People jog around here all the time, I think. So he stops near me as I get in my car and he waves at me, I notice he isn't wearing shoes...I drive forward a little, his arms drop in frustration. So, I stop.
"What's up?"
"Dude, can you give me a ride? I'm only going two blocks, just take me down to 17th."

I did mention this man was huge, right? And kind of rather scary looking. Ok, so he gets in the car and he is shit-faced. My god, was the man drunk. This was evident because he told me to take him down to 17th...which was the street we were currently on, the same street he was previously running down; and he smelled quite strongly of alcohol. And, as previously stated, he wasn't wearing any shoes.

As we're driving he keeps saying, "It's a bad deal, man."
I ignore him. I do not want this drunken, redneck Hercules of a man telling me anything. He repeats, "It's a bad deal, man." I remain steadfast in my ignorance.

He then says, "I normally don't drink, but I just found out, about twenty minutes ago, that someone, this guy, has been molesting my daughter."
"Oh my god," I say.
"That's awful."
He agrees, because he then says, "So, I'm on my way to kill him."

The sincerity in his voice gave me chills. He then turns his head towards me and says, "but you didn't hear that, and you never met me, but you'll read about it. Here, you can let me out here. Thanks for the ride."

So, after a debate with myself, I decided to call the police. I have yet to hear from them, or any local news outlet, of the result. I am somewhat frightened of this man, having seen where I live and actually, physically being inside my car, barging over one night and expressing (violently) his disappointment with me alerting the authorities. But knowing the Tulsa Police Department, they probably drove through the apartments' parking lot where I dropped him off, decided there wasn't anything of interest, and then went and arrested some black kids.

Is this a great town or what?

Bombs Over Tulsa

For those of you who haven't heard, a practice bomb was dropped on a Tulsa apartment complex near 51st and Wheeling Thursday afternoon. My only comment, "What the fuck? Seriously?"
Word is though, that the douche didn't even realize it was gone until he went to drop it for real. I just can't even believe the US military (even the national guard) could do something so stupid. No one was injured.


Channel 2's News Report on the story.

Wilco Tonight!

Wilco tonight at Cain's Ballroom. See you there. Review of the show coming shortly.

More Annoying Little Links...D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G Spells Tom Coburn

For reasons unexplained and not understood I was rather touched by this picture of screenwriter Diablo Cody are her Oscar for "Juno". You can find another Diablo Cody blog here.

Another Tulsa blog, Alternative Tulsa, posted this yarn about Senator Tom Coburn for the politically minded.

In addition to AT's thread, I have posted below the actual response, ver-fucking-batim, from our esteemed junior senator's office addressed to yours truly in regards to my concerns over a potential conflict with another Middle-Eastern nation. You would think a US senator's staffers would double check these things...before I post them all over the internet. Absolutely nothing has been edited or changed by me, except for the removal of my name (in brackets).

Dear Mr. [Reluctant Tulsan],

Thank you for your message regarding a potential war with Iran. I'm sorry you have felt ignored by your representatives in the past, but I assure you I read each letter I receive from an Oklahoman. I you're your comments to heart.

I do agree with you we should not be afraid to talk to Iran, and we are doing precisely that behind the scenes and out of the public spotlight. Make no mistake, diplomacy has been and remains our first-option in dealing with Iran, and it is my hope diplomacy will prove successful. Years of negotiations and discussions have produced a United Nations resolution placing sanctions on the current regime, but I am not convinced it will be enough to deter them from their pursuit of nuclear weapons. At this point, though, I have no intention to vote for a war with Iran.

With that said, there is no doubt Iran has had at least some role in insurgent operations in Iraq. There are indications they have supported, financed and equipped Shiite militias in Iraq. We have acted swiftly to cut off this support and we will continue to do so. Iran's desire to establish itself as the dominant force in the Middle East cannot be allowed to manifest itself in Iraq.

The Iranian regime, even without nuclear weapons, is a threat to the world. For decades, Iran has been exporting terrorism abroad while terrorizing its own citizens. The United States must do everything it can to not only prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons capabilities but also prevent Iran from continuing to bolster terrorist efforts around the globe. Therefore, I believe all options should be on the table when it comes to Iran. Since Iran's leaders have demonstrated a desire and commitment to see America's destruction, it would be against our best interest to limit our actions without consideration for current events.

We should keep in mind the words of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad when he said, "We will soon experience a world without the United States and Zionism . Undoubtedly, I say that this slogan and goal is achievable, and with the support and power of Allah, we will soon experience a world without the United States and Zionism and will breathe in the brilliant time of Islamic sovereignty over today's world."

Again, I appreciate your input and suggestions and I look forward to hearing from you again.

Sincerely, A

Tom Coburn

United States Senator

TC: BRB

Returned From St. Louis--Zero Confirmed Nelly Sightings

However! Not all was lost. We all had a great time at The City Museum and going to see Avenue Q at the Fabulous Fox Theatre...we also went to the mall.

Pictures to follow soon...maybe

One of the most startling things about the trip was the difference in road quality between the states of Missouri and Oklahoma. It's literally (to steal a phrase) like a line is drawn and once you cross that line the roads either turn great or unbearably shitty depending on direction headed.

Damn Girl! I-44's Butt Lookin' BIG

The first home to be moved for the I-44 widening project was moved today. The project will widen I-44 from four to six lanes from Riverside to Yale Ave. Don't expect anything even remotely resembling immediate congestion relief though--it will take 8 months or so (probably longer) to relocate the homes and then 6-18 months to relocate utilities. Major construction of the roadway itself is not expected to begin until 2010...which means 2012 at the earliest.

Sexuality Survey

Much thanks for my friend Maka for posting this on MySpace:

~REPOSTED FOR THE RESEARCHER

I've worked with the late Fritz Klein on several bisexual topics, and now I'm conducting a 100% anonymous research study online, which takes 15 to 30 minutes to complete. It's officially approved by the human subjects committee at San Diego State University. It's about sexual attractions and personality, and I want to recruit a large number of adults, regardless of whether they are female or male, bi, gay, or straight.

I still need about a hundred more responses from self-identifed bi women and men. 50 or so more from the other groups (straight and gay) would also be wonderful, so tell all your friends of those persuasions, too!

Go to:

www.AttractionStudy.org

and check out the consent form and all that good stuff. Use the referral code livejournal when asked. And tell your friends!

Thanks so much!

-- JDW~

I encourage all who can participate to sign up, you really have nothing to lose.

The Reluctant Tulsan.

Caitlin's Corner--An Owner's Manual for Your Sexuality

And Now...The One, The Only-- Vincent Carbone

Hey there kiddos! ...It's Vincent Carbone here to answer your questions about love and Valentine's Day.

After a recent turd of a performance, a youngster came up to me and said "Hey Vince, I really feel like nobody likes me and I'm afraid I'm going to spend yet another Valentine's Day alone. What should I do?"

I reassured the young man that just because I was hurling insults at him all night doesn't mean no one likes him. It just meant I didn't like him, but I don't like anyone. There are a lot of feelings of inadequacy and shame that come free of charge whenever you attend a Vincent Carbone show. That's natural.

As to his Valentine's Day quandary I explained "Think of Valentine's Day as if it were any other day". However, he persisted. I then told him that if he insisted on thinking of Valentine's Day as a holiday it's better to put it on the level of Flag Day or Arbor Day. Hell, who hasn't spent one of those days alone.

But more to the point, I spend 365 days a year on the road, traveling from gig to gig, city to city, state to state. So I'm always alone. Every Goddamned day. Now sure there are easily tens of fans in every city who want to spend some time with old Vinnie, but I can't take them with me. If I did the authorities would sniff out my trail in no time. There are laws against kidnapping in all 53 United States. Mexico and Canada are a little more lenient, thank God. The good news is that in every city there is a liquor store and a Denny's or Waffle House. Some of the larger cities even have a casino or a kick-ass sex shop.

Still though, you may not have anyone to love you and spend time with you on Valentine's Day. So you've gotta love yourself. Why not treat yourself? Nothing cheers me up better than splurging for something nice I've wanted for a long time. This advice works for anyone. Say you normally go out to the corner and pay a whore $50 for a tugjob or a blowie. Instead splurge and pay the hooker a bill or more and get into some raunchy ass-sex. That should cure the lonelies. And you'll feel so warm and loved afterwards that you certainly won't have any feelings of guilt or shame. Trust me. No remorse.

So there you have it. You just chased away the blues with a little help from old Vincent Carbone. If you're still looking for more sage advice I suggest you come see me at the SoundPony with the Newark All-Stars on Valentine's Day.

Redneck Concert Madness

Thursday, February 7 Foghat will take the stage at the Million Dollar Elm Casino. Tickets start at $15. I mean, a 30 year old rock band for $15 bucks? That's such a great deal. I can hardly stand it.

But seriously who would pay even $15 for Foghat? Their most famous song has only one redeeming quality whatsoever: the bass line. Not to mention the incredible amount of Jimbos, Billy Bobs and Jimmy Jons sure to be in attendance. Come on, it's Foghat. At an Indian casino. The only time you'll find more rednecks in one place is if the casino was showing professional wrestling inside of monster trucks and handing out free cans of Copenhagen.

MP3: Slow Ride

Urban Renewal?

According to various news outlets the city of Tulsa and the Tulsa Drillers (minor league affiliate of the NL Champion Colorado Rockies) have reached an agreement to negotiate a deal to keep the Drillers from moving to Jenks (AKA Yuppieville). The two parties have until May 30 to reach an agreement that involves building a baseball stadium in the east-side of Downtown (1st-6th and Elgin). You know, the part of Downtown where all the restaurants and bars are...the part where they should of built the BOK Center...the part where they had originally, foolishly planned on building a Wal-Mart...that part.

This sounds like a good deal for the city, and as far as Jenks is concerned...fuck Jenks. One of the big arguments I've heard being tossed around is the fact that people from Broken Arrow, Bixby and Jenks don't want to have to drive to Midtown on Downtown to watch a baseball game, which is hurting the ticket sales. Refer to previous sentence for that resolution to that argument. Specifically the part right after the ellipses. There ya go.

Hopefully the city government has started to finally commit to making Downtown exciting and comparable to Oklahoma City's downtown which is far superior to ours. I pray they have to level that death-trap Club UV or whatever the fuck it's changed its name to now. Only 4 people shot in the last year? That's not too bad, at all.

A developer is planning on spending $30 million on land in the historic Greenwood district to put in some kind of development (the details are understandably hazy). For those of you that don't know, the entire district of Greenwood was burnt to the ground in the 1921 race riots, evidently the worst in U.S. history. It's only taken 87 years to begin some kind of development there, which is the most apt illustration of the way Tulsa does business. Way to go, team!

It's About Time!

Everyone in Oklahoma (specifically in Tulsa where this was filmed) is driven (no pun intended) crazy by idiot drivers doing idiotic things like driving under the speed limit in the fast lane. Thank you to the OHP.

Pull the Fuck Over!

2008 Tulsa Music Wishlist

We present to you a list of bands we would love to have come through Tulsa (we'll even settle for near Tulsa, we aren't too needy). This is not a complete list of the bands we would like to see in town, just the ones we want to see the most right now. This list could, and very likely will, change.

1. Deer Tick





2. Rosie Thomas





3. Battles



4. M.I.A.



5. Beirut



6. Panda Bear


7. Okkervil River


8. Les Savy Fav


9. Les Savy Fav

10. Liars



A thank you to IMEEM and Pitchfork.

Wishes fulfilled so far: Tiger Army and Wilco.

There Will Be Blood

Radiohead guitarist Jonny Greenwood is behind the baton for Paul Thomas Anderson's new flim There Will Be Blood based on Upton Sinclair's novel Oil! This is Greenwood's first attempt at film compositions, but if you listened you wouldn't think so. It's clearly and painfully obvious now that Jonny Greenwood is the genius behind the band.

To hear new Radiohead, click In Rainbows.
There Will Be Blood opens nationally January 11, 2008.

Shameless Plug

Read my friend Wendell Summers' recount of the locally performed, Jose Rivera play Marisol, starring the lovely ladies Ayumi Manabe and Claire Ludwig [both pictured]) here!

The Money in the Bank Goes Bye, Bye, Bye (sometimes)

A rash of bank robberies are sweeping through the Tulsa metro, and by "rash" I mean 4 of them, at least 1 of which was unsuccessful.

On Thursday, January 3 three individuals attempted to rob the BancFirst location near 91st and Yale. A teller saw three men wearing masks approach the bank sometime around 9:30...so she locked the door on them (their sigh on disappointment was audible in Midtown). They fled the scene in an "Acura-type" vehicle (whatever that means). One of those men was apprehended.

And then there's this guy who is suspected of robbing 4 banks in Tulsa. He likes to wear panty hose on his face.


For more info click here and here.
For more info on what people will do take your money click here, here and here!

Man Drives Into Backyard. Wasn't Drunk.

According to Channel 2 Works For You (sort of) a Tulsa man lost control of his car, jumped a retaining wall into someone's back yard only then to pull the most anti-climactic move in history...stop mere feet from the house.

Upcoming Shows 01/05/08

Keller Williams and the WMD's January 24
Tiger Army February 05
Wilco March 08

All shows at Cain's Ballroom, The Legendary

Serial Killer on the Loose! Hide your bovines?

Authorities are working frantically to hunt down a serial murderer that has claimed the lives of nearly 30 cows in northeastern Oklahoma since August. Most of the murders have taken place in Nowata, Rogers, Craig and Mayes Counties (apparently Tulsa county bovines aren't priority number one). The first cows to go before their time were mutilated and butchered on scene, however, the latest victims have just been shot and left to die.



Investigators are busy passing out fliers and information at agriculture stores and feed lots across the 120 square mile area affected by the "Bovine Bundy" (my term) and are encouraging ranchers and farmers to be on the lookout for any suspicious activity (drunk rednecks firing guns from moving pickup trucks is not suspicious in this part of the state, mind you).

For more info click here. To find out the "humane" ways ranchers murder and mutilate their own cows click here and here